Dupe the Donor


by Eliza ambrov Halwyn

Thoughts come hard. Talk comes hard.

There was a time of warmth, of calm, of being cared for. There were many of us together. We were content. It was a long time, but it was also a short time. I don't have the words to say it.

Then there was a change. The others, the ones who are different, the ones with the things on their arms, take me away with some of the others and put me in a different place. Different, but the same. The ones in there are like me, but where I had been the biggest, now I am one of the smallest. We fight for food and sleeping places.

The others, the ones who are different, bring ones like me in and do things to them. They scream and then they are quiet. The others drop them there and leave them for awhile so we can see them. They don't move again. Eventually the others come and take them away.

This makes us scared. We don't understand it.

Soon the others come and take one of us out. They make them scream in pain and drop them. They lie still. We understand. This means that this is what is to happen to us. Eventually they come and take some of us away. New ones are brought in. I am no longer the smallest. I fight for food and sleeping space but now I win.

Each time they come to take some of us away I hope it isn't me. But one day it is me. Another one of them comes and says words to the one who has hold of my chain. I don't understand the words.

["I think this one will do it. Brody said I could pick one to train as a companion. He has a good nager and I think he is intelligent."

"Healer Frez, none of them are intelligent. This one is ready to go to group A. If you want him and the boss says you can have him take him with my blessing. One gen or another, it's all the same to me."]

I am very scared. I think they are going to make me hurt and drop to the ground like the others. But one of them takes me away and gives me nice food and makes me sleep. When I wake up He tells me that I am Dupe and that he is Frez. He makes me say it and point until He knows I understand. Then He washes me and gives me nice food and makes me sleep again.

Every day He gives me nice food and makes me put on clothing which are not like the clothing I had before. He tells me that things have names and makes me know them so I can ask for them. He gives me nice food and milk and keeps me warm and safe. He is good to me.

He tells me that He will look after me and that I will look after Him. I do not know what this means. He makes me "talk" to him, but my tongue is clumsy in my mouth and the sounds come out strange. But He is patient with me and holds me close and never hits me, so I try for Him.

He tells me that it is time for work. We go down to the place where I was before. The nice place where it was warm and caring. There are many little ones there, like me only smaller. He does things to them I don't understand. He tells me that I must stay close and help Him. I do not mind. I want to help Him. I want to stay close. He is good to me. He tells me that I am good and pats me. I feel very nice.

One day I wake up and He is sad. He is still good to me and makes me hot food, but he is sad I can tell. I try to ask him what is wrong but I do not have the words. He sees that I am distressed and comforts me. But he is the one that needs comforting. I put my arms around him and hold him and He seems to feel better. I worry that He is not happy and that seems to make him feel better also. He says that I am good and that makes me feel better.

He spends time with me every day trying to make me understand what He is saying. He seems upset that I don't always understand him. I feel that He thinks time is running out. I try very hard. But it is very difficult. He wants something from me but I do not know what. He keeps saying "Don't be afraid. I will not hurt you. But you must not be afraid." I do not know what I am not to be afraid of, and that makes me afraid.

He is with me all the time. I am not to go away from Him. He tells me that he needs me close to Him. Close to Him is good. He gives me milk and biscuits and something else. It makes me feel good inside. I think it is called "love". I would not leave Him anyway.

Then one day He is very upset. He says "It's now or never Dupe. I hope you trust me enough." He looks sad and worried. I want to tell Him that it's ok, I want to tell Him that I love him too. I say "Dupe here for you. Dupe help." I hope he understands what I mean. I put my hand on his arm where his tentacles are and he gasps. Quickly he grasps my arms with his tentacles and I am scared. I remember the screams of pain and how the others like me dropped down and didn't move again and I think he is going to hurt me. But he stops and says "Please don't be afraid. I won't hurt you." And I am not afraid.

He presses his lips to mine and a tingle goes through me. He holds me close and I feel a great safeness wrap around us. My whole body tingles and feels wonderful like it has never felt before. I feel like I am in the middle of a great golden cloud which is warm and soft. He holds my arms tightly still but stops pressing his lips against mine. He looks at me and I feel good. He is pleased with me and I feel good.

He tells me that I will work with Him for ever and that I will always be safe and never be hurt. I feel that I am lucky cause He needs me. I will always try my best for Him.

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