Obsession


All my life I have seen Gens as objects. As a child I saw them as objects of fear, as something I might become one day if I was bad. As a child of two Simes of course I emulated my parents, and something as different, as alien, as a Gen was considered, by me, as someone who had been punished for some unspeakable, unknown crime.

As an adult I saw Gens only as a source of selyn, even if it was through a Channel. I’m afraid that this old fashioned attitude was deep seated, and didn’t get me invited to many parties.

Recently, however, my attitude has been forced to go through a change.

It happened about three months ago. I was at work, doing the usual slog of filling out endless forms to requisition this and that, when a Gen walked up to my desk. I didn’t bother to look up.

“What do you want?”

The Gen didn’t answer and just stood there. I finished with the form I was on and looked up impatiently - into the most intense eyes I have ever seen. They were almost black, as were the long lashes that surrounded them. She smiled, but there was nothing friendly in her smile or her nager, and her lips were the false glossy red of too much lip stick. She was somewhere in the middle of her cycle, and her field showed such contempt for me that I was taken aback.

She put some papers on my desk. “Mr Feldman wants these replicated as soon as possible”.

Without another word she turned and walked off.

I must admit that I had never been treated that way by a Gen before. At first I was confused, then I was angry. How dare she treat me that way? I dealt with my work, but for the rest of the day my mind kept coming back to the incident. I was interested in her, and I had no idea why.

Over the next few days I saw her around the office. I learnt to recognise her by her field, which was growing stronger by the day. I had never in my life worried about what a Gen zlinned like - I got my transfers from a Channel, I always had, I wasn’t one of these “back to nature” freaks who wanted nothing but Gen transfer. I respected my laterals too much to want to lay them on Gen flesh. But this Gen kept getting into my thoughts and I found myself positioning myself in places where I knew we would meet.

Not that I ever said anything to her, or even looked at her directly. It was just - interesting - to zlin her. She was so cool, so detached! I think if a Sime went berserk right in front of her she wouldn’t have flinched.

I began to get the strangest idea. She was somewhat ahead of me in cycle, but if I augmented somewhat more then usual I could probably put myself in need closer to her donation date. If I then went to the same Center as she did, I might get the same Channel as she does, and maybe receive her selyn. The thought made me feel dirty, but at the same time intrigued me. Logically I knew that the chances were extreme, but I still couldn’t keep thinking about it. I didn’t act on it though, not that first month.

During this time I found out her name and a few other things about her, like where she donated. It wasn’t so far from my own home that it would look suspicious if I signed up there, so, soon after my transfer at my old Center I went to hers and put my name down. I told them I just wanted a change of venue, and they were happy with that. It’s a nice new place, hasn’t been built long, much nicer then my old place, so that was a plus as well.

At this time I was still high from my recent transfer and cocky about my change of venue and my plans. Once, in the staff room, I even deigned to talk to her. I asked her how she liked her job, she said she liked it fine. That was about it really. Beats me what you say to a Gen outside of normal work stuff. I mean, what do they think? Do they think like we do? They can’t really, can they? They have so many fewer senses. Surely their world view is hampered by this?

As luck would have it we were “thrown” together in a more extreme manner, and it wasn’t even at my instigation. The boss decided that we needed to hold a seminar to impress some new, and very wealthy, buyers, and he picked us to organise it.

We had two weeks during which we worked almost exclusively with each other. She is a dreadful conversationalist, not seeming to know how to make “small talk” with a Sime at all. At the same time she is still totally unflustered and doesn’t seem to even realise that she is lacking. I certainly wasn’t making it any easier for her. Towards the end of the two weeks I was approaching need and was somewhat distracted by her. Several times I had to ask her to please control her nager, although truth be told she never lost control of it. That was the one time she came to even showing any emotion. She looked shocked, and yes that showed in her nager as well. She said “I’m sorry, if I am disturbing you perhaps we should finish this later”. And then she left!

I could have gone after her, after all, she hadn’t really been doing anything wrong. But why on earth would I follow a Gen anywhere? What would I say? I mean, she didn’t expect me to apologise did she? I took an early afternoon and got some exercise, a little bit of augmentation to make me feel better and to bring me more in line with her didn’t hurt and probably helped settle my nerves. The next day we continued work as if nothing had happened.

The morning the seminar started was also my transfer day, so I wasn’t at work until that afternoon. For that matter, I didn’t have to go into work in the afternoon either, but I had noticed that it was her habit to go to work after donating, so I was certainly going to go as well.

The big flaw in my plan was that I hadn’t managed to find out what time she donated. I thought how interesting it would be to meet leaving the Center and “finding out” that we not only used the same Center but that we were due on the same day. That might even be better then getting the same Channel she donated to. I’d have to give more though to that for another time.

I waited for awhile away from the Center, close enough to zlin, but not close enough to be seen by a Gen. I don’t think I was there for more then an hour though, before a Channel came up to me and asked if I was alright. Of course, I had to go with him then. He wanted to know what I had been waiting for, so I told him a story about how this was my first time to this Center (that part was true) and how I just wanted to get a feel for the area and enjoy the expectation of transfer.

And I couldn’t zlin her anywhere. Needless to say, transfer was less then perfect.

I signed the forms, thanked the Channel and rushed back to work. She hadn’t returned yet. I raced around my office tidying up, then I ate a huge lunch and then regretted it almost instantly. I spent the rest of that afternoon trying not to be sick. She finally came into work late in the afternoon, which gave me the perfect opportunity.

“You are in late” I said.

She looked at me, up and down in that manner she has as if saying “what’s it to you?”

“I donated today, however it is my custom to return to work afterwards”.

“Really? I had transfer today, what a coincidence!” For a full 30 seconds she just looked at me. I don’t think she believed in coincidences.

“I hope your transfer was satisfactory.” Before I could reply she had turned her back and walked away! I mean, right, she knew I was at my least dangerous point, but it was still rude behaviour and I was shocked. If I hadn’t been feeling so unwell I might even have gone after her.

I stayed home the next day. I was entitled to Post Time, but in fact I actually felt unwell. I didn't seem to be able to relax. Being tense while being post is the oddest feeling and I don't recommend it to anyone!

During the next month I was more aware of her then ever. Whenever I saw her it seemed that she was looking at me, and I could zlin that she was interested in me as well. Instead of making me feel more interested in her it only served to worry me.

Things got worse after turnover. She seemed to always find reasons to be working near me, and I could zlin her concentration on me. I pretended not to notice and just enjoyed the attention. I must admit that I had never though about the obvious advantages to having a Gen friend. It was almost worth putting up with the atrocious, self-centered attitude to be near that constant promise of selyn.

It was the last working day before my transfer day and her donation day. I still hadn't worked out what time she went to donate, and was working up the courage to ask her, maybe to suggest that we could travel together. I still hadn't managed to gather myself enough to ask her this rather personal question before it was time for me to leave, and I found, to my dismay, that she had already left.

I was in somewhat of a funk as I headed home. Home seemed rather lonely and without her field within zlinable range the world seemed very cold. I warmed up a little soup, hardly wanting to eat that but forcing myself for the sake of my health. I hoped that my transfer tomorrow would go more satisfactorily then the last one. Somehow I doubted it, all I could think about was the way she had zlinned that day, so calm, so full, so ready to be harvested!

I had only just taken my soup of the stove when I zlinned a Gen approaching through the badly insulated walls of my apartment. There was no doubting that field, I'd been obsessing about it every day for almost 3 months. I was at the door before she could signal.

All I could do is stare at her in shock

"Am I invited in?" She looked at me with cool amusement in her eyes and nager.

"Why, yes, please come in. I'm sorry, you took me by surprise." I stood back and held the door open for her.

She entered and looked over my sparsely, but elegantly, furnished apartment. Then she turned and looked at me.

"I will come right to the point" she said. "I have noticed your attention on me during these last two months, and it has interested me. Recently I have been having some - thoughts - about my life, and I have decided that it is time to try something new. If you are interested, I would be willing to have transfer with you, directly, this month."

"WHAT?" I exclaimed. "Do you know what you are saying? I'm a law abiding citizen, I've NEVER even CONSIDERED having transfer from anyone except a Channel! Are you mad?" I was trying to back away, but at the same time my body was letting me down badly. I might not be interested in her proposal, but my laterals defiantly were!

She was so calm! That was the worst of it all. She stood there in front of me with that willing nager and radiated "calm" at me. I swayed towards her, despite myself. I tried to tell myself that I wasn't even in hard need yet, but my body refused to listen. My physical attitude, so at odds with my words, must have encouraged her, for her nager brightened with "hopeful promise" and I was almost lost.

She put out both hands and I found myself staring at them in a mixture of horror and desire. I was switching from duo to hypo and desperately trying to keep some control. I had heard that Gens could control a Sime, but I had never put myself into such a perilous position before and had never really believed it.

She was enticing me to sin, to break the law. Didn't she see the danger? Didn't she know what she was risking? She was so calm - maybe she wouldn't fear. Maybe she knew what she was doing. Surely she knew what she was doing. I allowed myself to hope, and took a step closer to her. Her arms with their promise of fulfilment, were so close.

I fell into her nager. She was there, I was there. Surely this is the way it was meant to be, Sime and Gen together? Suddenly I was afraid. She was there NOW, but maybe she would back out at the last moment? Would I be left in need, far from any safe, trustworthy Channel? In absolute panic I augmented towards her and grabbed her. Suddenly a burst of shock and pain fragmented that icy calm nager. I could feel the blood vessels on her arms break into bruise under my grip. I panicked and dropped her. It was both the hardest and the easiest thing I have ever done in my life. My body cried out for her selyn, but my fear of her was greater and I fled, not even knowing where I was going until I ended up at my old Center. Not one but three Channels were there to grab me, and together they managed to get my intil down. They sent people after her, of course, but she was gone. I stayed at the Center, had transfer there, and stayed on a few days until they were sure, and I was sure, that I was alright once again.

She never showed up for work the next week, and the search for her continued for a month or two. Eventually the authorities decided that she must have left the area. I hope that she never comes back.

So you see, my attitude towards Gens has changed. I can no longer ignore the fact that they exist. They are all around me, every day, a constant threat. Gens aren't the ignorant sub humans I had once thought. Gens are pure, malicious evil.

They don't deserve to live.


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